


I Got a Secret...

by loctiva



Category: Alice Nine, Jrock
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, M/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:36:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loctiva/pseuds/loctiva
Summary: The others have been rather quiet for a few days now and Shou wants to know why. Just when he gets an answer he never expected it would be from Tora, and just as he could get it from him he has to still deal with the nosiness of the others...DISCLAIMER: this story will contain excessive cussing, sexual violence and alcohol. Read at your own risk!!*a story I wrote back then but never got around to working on it : /





	1. Silence Has Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This story was revived from an old pseud that is now being used for OC stories only, both pseuds are the exact same author  
> *any edited changes to these stories belong to the author only, this is because I felt it needed a little TLC ^^

It's been three day’s worth of silence. Not even a single one of us had said a word to each other. For what sort of reason I'm not sure, no one would bother telling me. Each day I arrive between five to ten minutes late with my daily dose of coffee, a wave of silence hits me every moment I walk through that door. It's about damn time I know what is going on.

On the fourth day, it was time to settle this out, this time I will be the first to arrive. Upon sitting down on the couch, I faced myself toward the door casually sipping my coffee. Within two minutes of waiting the door slowly opened. A puff of smoke appeared seeping through coming face to face with the first of the four to show up early.

"Oh, Shou you're here awfully early."

"I would like to know what is going on Tora." I frowned taking another sip of coffee, watching his face completely change, I had a feeling something was up.

"It's nothing really...I..."

"Are you sure it's nothing?" I could tell he was lying. _Tora wasn't one to keep secrets from me without breaking down into a rant of conclusions and accusations that made absolutely no sense at all._ Before Tora could even budge, I moved closer to him. Not once have I never seen him like this. _This isn't the Tora I knew._

***Other side***

"That's my point exactly." The brunette insisted.

"I can see what you mean there..." The older muttered.

"Hey is that Shou I hear talking? He's never here this early." The blonde whispered placing his ear against the door.

"Pon! That's..." the older projected

"Shhhhh!" The brunette hissed. The older nodded and continued to listen.

***Inside***

Watching Tora closely, I moved toward him only to be interrupted. "Shou...I guess I have no choice in hiding it from you any longer than I need to..." He finally made eye contact with me when muttering outside the door broke the silence.

"Nao! I said shut up!"

"Sorry! I'm so sorry...mmm...mm." Moving slowly past Tora, my hand latched onto the door jiggling it open, receiving a welcome by the three idiots of the group.

"And what might you three be doing on the other side of that door?" I asked tilting my head watching the three exchange looks with each other.

"It was all his idea." The blonde pointed at Nao, glancing back over at the brunette hoping he would cover him.

"Ah yes...that is right Hiroto it was Nao's idea." He nodded.

Nao puffed his cheeks shaking his head in dismay, "wow guys, aren't you nice to gang up on me when...if I recall Saga stopped before he opened the door hearing you guys talk about..."

"About the silent treatment?" Hiroto moved his attention over to the other two then at Tora spotting him biting his lip.

I followed the blonde's gaze over toward Tora, crossing my arms and tilted my head at him, "Tora-rarara~ what is this? Are you hiding something from me?"

"He was ahhhhhhh...holding back about plans for something super-duper special for you. Am I right guys?" The oldest looked over at the other two.

Saga walked into the room straight toward me placing his hands on my shoulders, "yes Nao-chan is right, he has something super special for you...yup yup no doubt about that nope." He nodded. I couldn't help but laugh swatting the younger away.

"Alright alright, but that doesn't explain why you don't at least say hello to me...do I smell bad or something?" I lifted my arm sniffing myself, "because I smell normal."

"Ah I was afraid the secret would slip out...since some people can't keep their mouths shut." Tora glanced over at Saga now sitting on the couch.

"Huh? What about my mouth?" He asked squinting his eyes at Tora.

"That you can't keep secrets." Tora laughed shaking his head, "you have a nice mouth though I really don't want to know where it’s been.

"Suit yourself." Saga shrugged and lit up crossing his legs trying to blow smoke rings.

"So, you guys all know about it this and I don't...but it's for me?" I knitted my eyebrows a little confused.

Tora nodded, "pretty much so there really isn't anything to worry about, though we should stop the silent treatment that was a little awkward on my part."

"That was my idea to be honest but I didn't think it would last four days." Hiroto frowned, "but it kept Saga from saying something so I guess it worked...maybe a little too well."

"Right...well then I guess that clears up the awkwardness you guys gave me." I sighed.

"Sorry leader-sama." Nao came up to me with a bear hug, "you smell nice."

"Ehehe...thanks?" I laughed hugging back.

***Later that day***

"So, then he said, if I flap my arms hard enough I could fly with the birds." Nao grinned taking a sip what could have been his fourth glass of wine.

"Oh my god! What a dumb ass hahahahaha." The blonde giggled, "you can't fly...you will need feathers and stuff...yea that...big ones too...and..."

I laughed banging the table with my hand shaking my head, "ahhh Pon where you going with this, are you telling me you're not human?"

Tora laughed clapping his hands and patted my back, "we all know he's just special."

"Hahaha you're right." I grinned feeling drunk from just two glasses of wine, "my face feels warm here Saga touch my face."

Saga reached over the table nearly making a face plant, "ah...feels so nice...baby soft too what do you use?"

"Ahhhhh the skin of babies that's what." I laughed watching him pull away wiping his fingers, "I'm just joking that would be gross."

"Open your mouth Nao you look hungry, here comes the car." Hiroto started to make noises to what sounded like a car...sort of, a chip with dip dripping from it toward Nao nearly missing his mouth.

Nao opened his mouth taking both the chip and his fingers grinning, "hmmmm nom nom."

"Hey I'm not finger food!" The blonde pulled away wiping his hands glaring at those laughing at him and Nao, then hid behind his beer mug, which just made it worse and almost fell out of his chair. 

"Where's Saga?" I looked around this time he didn't get very far, "I guess he didn't make it to the door." I laughed.

"Where did he fall asleep on?" Tora asked turning toward where I was looking and laughed, "the billiard table of all things."

"Really?" Hiroto glanced up from his spot, standing on his knees from his chair almost falling over. "Oh shit ahahaha."

Nao reached out grabbing his waist, "don't worry I got you."

"Ah thank you, hahaha how cute he's curled up with the pole stick." The blonde laughed shaking his head and sat back down.

"Should I go get him?" Tora looked back over at me, I shook my head, "unless we are done here otherwise let him sleep there a bit longer." I just shrugged looking over at everyone else all giving me the same shrug.

I shook my head again, "you guys aren't really helping me at all."

"I actually don't feel so hot." Hiroto spoke up and ran to the bathroom.

Nao laughed shaking his head, "I keep telling him he's better suited for wine...beer is for true men." He nodded.

I laughed nodding at him, "yea that is right, that's why I can't handle it. You should get him on your 'wine diet'." The older laughed nodding in return. "I'm going to check up on him, you should go see if the turkey is ready to come out." I sighed shaking my head at the sight of Saga sleeping with a pole cue on a billiard table.

"I'll get the turkey!" Nao grinned, "Tora can help me, right?" The younger laughed and nodded.

***Bathroom***

"Hey you ok in there?" I asked knocking on the stall door.

"I shouldn't have eaten so much...it was so good though." The blonde moaned heaving again.

I shook my head, "that and you went over your limit on alcohol...again."

"Ugh don't remind me..." He frowned, "I think I will just live in here."

I laughed shaking my head, "Hiroto you're drunk you need to go home to Mogu. By the way you look like shit."

"What about you?" He finally popped his head from the stall completely pale in the face. "well no shit Sherlock." He sighed.

I snickered once more shaking my head, "I rode with Tora remember? And you three parked over at Nao's then walked over to here. Nao said this was the closet to his apartment."

The blonde knitted his eyes together, "oh yea that's right he did, that way we had a place to crash...will you be safe getting home?"

I nodded, "Tora actually drank less than me since we all know I get drunk very easily."

Hiroto laughed nodded, "I remember he ordered two beers and a shot the whole time we were here...what time it is away?"

I pulled out my phone, eyes widening, "it's almost three..."

"In the morning?" He interrupted, I nodded. "Well shit..." The younger scratched his head, "I guess I will crash at Nao's, Mogu should be ok I picked up his bowls so he wouldn't make another accident in the house."

"The cons for being under a company." I added, "let's get going they're waiting on us."

***The front***

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you guys to your apartment?" Tora frowned, Nao nodded at him. "Alright just be careful ok?"

"We will it's literally five minutes away." The older replied giving a yawn.

"Ah stop that you're going to make me yawn." Saga frowned watching the youngest showing off the Grand Canyon. "Dammit Hiroto."

The blonde shrugged, "let's get going, I'm about to fall asleep." The other two nodded and walked off.

"I guess it's me and you." I looked over at Tora unlocking the car.

"Why you say it like it's a bad thing." He frowned opening his side, "you getting in or not."

I blinked shaking my head, _I guess I was dozing off as well,_ and joined him.

"Alright sleepy head let's go, we got a ways...and he's out." Tora laughed getting back out of the car to close the passenger door. He crawled back in reaching for my seat belt when I grasped his hand my eyes half open.

"And what are you doing handsome?" The older froze blinking a few times trying to register what he just heard and tried once more this time getting it in.

***Tora's pov***

"Handsome huh? That's new." I chuckled closing the door and started up the car. "Good you're still out." I muttered.

The first five minutes of the ride was a breeze, until Shou decided to wake up out of the blue and started to pat himself down. "Did I grab everything?" The leader looked over at me biting his lip.

I gave a sigh, "all you brought with you is your phone and wallet." He frowned crossing his arms at me then checked again.

"I forgot my wallet..." The brunette frowned.

"Alright I'll pull over and we will take a look." I gave out a lazy yawn pulling into a nearby gas station and killed the ignition. "Alright now let's see if it fell out." I watched the leader's long slender legs clumsily folding out of the car and bit hard on my lip. He started to wave his hand at me. "Oh, right sorry I was thinking." I lied.

Shou sighed and knelt looking around the floor of the car in a panic, "god dammit where is it..." I took his hand looking straight at him.

"Take a deep breath where did you have it last?" _His hands felt so cold and clammy but soft, an odd mix._ I watched him sit back onto his heels still holding my hand.

The younger took a breath when he saw my hand, taken a bit by the gesture and pulled away, completely confused. "Tora...what was that all about..."

"It's to calm you down that's all. And it worked, now for all I can see it may of fallen out of your pocket. Let me call and see if they're still open." I insisted only receiving a nod in return, "ah it's ringing...moshi moshi...oh you know what I was going to ask, I'm glad I called before you closed up, we will be over shortly. Arigatou gozaimashita!" I turned to Shou grinning watching him bob and weave a little. I snapped my fingers at him.

"Ah!! What the...what was that for?" He frowned cutting his eyes at me.

"They have your wallet, we're going back to get it. You got lucky." I sighed watching his expression change from agitated to excited, "now that's better, get in." The younger nodded and got back in the car. After a short time, we arrived back at the bar, "I will be right back you stay here." He nodded watching me get out like a hawk. I approached the barkeep taking the wallet he had held for us. Apparently, it was on the floor in the bathroom. I bowed and re approached the car. "Alright now we go...and he's asleep again." I snickered, _he looks so peaceful._

Roughly ten or so minutes had past and still not quite to my apartment. _Shou is still out like a light...I wonder how long that's going to last..._

This lasted about over half of the distance to my place when I heard inaudible muttering, the younger fluttered his eyes at me with this odd stare sending chills down my spine. What he was muttering I have no idea but those beautiful lips curled into a smile, _so I guess he was muttering something pleasant._ Then he started moving toward me from his seat still muttering something, "uh Shou...what are you doing can't you see I'm driving...obviously, you're sleep drunk."

"Am I? Or is this a dream?" He cooed when his hand slipped off the leather middle console and right onto my crotch grasping me tightly, I was the only member that didn't wear anything tight and tucked, only wearing loose clothes.

"Ah Shou...please get off...it really hurts." I groaned trying so hard to focus on the road.

"Ack it moved!" Shou shrieked pulling away, whacking his hand across my cheek without knowing it and grasped his own hand.

"Itai! Geeze what the hell...yes it moves that's my dick you grabbed...now it's very hard..." I groaned trying so hard to get comfortable. I noticed Shou starting to panic...this is what happens when he has no sleep and drunk...not the best combination. "Alright calm down I'll let it pass..."

"Maybe I should drive so you can jack off?" The leader swallowed hard.

My eyes widened and turned toward Shou, "are you insane?!"

"TORA WATCH OUT!" The leader pointed toward an incoming car. I quickly slammed on the breaks and skidded right into the car knocking it right into the traffic post knocking us both out.

 


	2. Chapter 2: I Hate You...Who Are You Again?

My eyes slowly flickered open upon hearing distant voices and ringing in my ears turning toward the voice as it became more and more clear.

"Everything will be alright, you two just got into an accident." An EMT crawled in with a mask, gloves and special equipment on my side, I glanced over at Tora noticing him pinned to the wheel by his seat the airbag hiding part of his face and his seat belt stuck to his neck.

"TORA!!!!!! TORA!!! Oh my god...please speak to me!" I screamed unlatching the seat belt trying to reach out to him, tears gushing out of my eyes. I was so close to touching him when sharp pains shot up my leg holding me in place. My eyes looked down, the dashboard had pinned down my ankle. "No...no no...no!"

The EMT gently grabbed my shoulder, "we have another team coming over to pry him out, he's going to be ok." I shook my head moving back to my band mate, the tears blurring my view.

"This is all my fault...I'm so stupid god..." I bit my lip looking down at my hands a gash in one of them, blood leaking out quickly causing my eyes to flutter, "I...I don't feel so good..." My eyes moved down even farther, spotting a gash in my side and the world started to spin.

"This man is losing a lot of blood! Get him out of here now!!!" One of the EMTs shouted and pulled my limp body onto a gurney, I could barely hear what was going. I tried to fight to keep my eyes open, my ears catching onto men shouting from Tora's side of the car.

"Alright slowly, slowly..." a team rushed in manning the jaws of life, hoping they wouldn't hurt him. Loud metallic noises echoed through the empty streets roped off by police. I watched as they folded back the top of the car and seeing Tora's lifeless body fall chocking before finally giving up.

_TORA!!! OH GOD I HOPE YOU ARE OK!!! Hang in there...I can't live without you..._

"Get this young man out of here, we will follow after!" One of the EMTs shouted and carried me away.

"Alright let's get him out of here!" One of them yelled and just seconds later Tora came into view strapped to a gurney, a mask strapped to his mouth. "Hurry hurry he's losing oxygen!" His ambulance following shortly after mine.

***Operating Room (Tora)***

"He sure is a fighter, we managed to stabilize him and just ordered for blood transfusions according to his type on his records." One surgeon spoke.

"Poor child, we must be cautious with that shard piercing his forearm it could have hit a major artery." Another instructed.

"But it needs to be removed before infection or gang green sets in." The lead surgeon leaned in with super lenses attached to his glasses, "ah we have good news it's just logged into his muscle there should be no issues getting it out in fact...it's only through a few layers of skin. Dr. Yuu order an x-ray and c-scan to make sure we understand what this body is telling us."

Dr. Yuu nodded picking up the phone, "please quickly send our patient on high priority for scans stat! Thank you." He hung up turning back to the group, "they're on their way now sensei."

The leader nodded, "thank you that will be all for now but please stand by." The doctored nodded and walked out.

"Out of our way! We must get this young man in and out as quickly as possible!" A young female doctor rushed in with two others and started to work on mobilizing the bed rushing out of the door in seconds flat.

***X-ray room***

"What's the status?" The leader asked watching one of his team mates pin up scans from Tora's arm.

"He's going through a quick sweep for anything metallic, he should be in the scanner here shortly." The doctored bowed.

The leader grinned and pointed at one of the scans, "as expected the piece is logged into the extensor here..." he pointed on the larger part of the forearm, "only grazing it so the procedure will leave a minor scar at the most, get him prepped for immediate removal." The doctor bowed taking the scans and bowed out.

***Viewing room***

"So, from the scans he received minor damage to the skull cavity. If he takes some calcium and vitamin D tablets those little cracks should calcify very quickly... his brain on the other hand has received some trauma as you see here." The doctor pointed to the frontal lobe, "there's minor bruising it may cause some difficulty with his thought processes and temporary memory loss."

The leader frowned, "how long would the process take to regain his memory?"

The doctored turned to her leader, "some may come as quickly as a week but I am afraid it may take a few months till he's his old self again. Since he is still young he will be able to bounce back just fine. It will take some time along with multiple elementary exercises and stressors but nothing this man can't do." She slowly moved the bed up looking at his neck, "I see minor bruising, he won't be able to move his head for a few days till the swelling goes down so liquids until then...his chest again more major bruising so it will take his body a while to recover since he looks like to be a smoker, so no cigarettes. Even when he's 120% recovered it could set him back." She continued to move the bed up checking the rest of his body, "more bruising..."

"This man has someone looking after him. Consider him very lucky, great job. That will be all." He smiled, "alright get him back so we can get him to recovery asap!"

***Operating Room (Shou)***

"Hurry! How much blood did he lose?" The leader barked at one of his team mates.

"He lost at least two pints of blood if we don't hurry he could end up in rapid decline!" One replied as the team quickly patched up all wounds causing the excessive hemorrhaging, one of them coming off the phone.

"Just ordered according to his blood type some transfusions. We need to get his body cleaned out for any contaminates that could have entered his body." Everyone nodded.

A circulatory machine appeared into the room along with the new blood just in case it was needed. "Ok hook him up and let's get him cleaned out!" Everyone nodded again and began to monitor him making sure the sterilized patches held in place. "Order a scan for this man we need to know if his insides received any damage!"

After roughly a good 30 minutes or so have passed, spotting not a single contaminate that had entered the body, deeming the process a total success. Within a short amount of time the body already regained half a pint on its own, no transfusions were needed. I was carted out by another team toward the scanning room.

***Viewing room***

"Sensei, from the quick shots we received for his hand, there is no damage. Only four layers of skin were ripped through, stitches will still be needed." The doctor placed them on the viewer and smiled nodding at the finding then. He moved his attention to the computer as the bed moved up, spotting no damages to the head or neck areas the chest however would need some attention. The gash was pretty deep into the abdomen but nothing fatal. The ankle also badly bruised but no farther damage from that as well, total recovering time would be just in a few short months.

***One month later***

"Shou!!!" Hiroto ran in ahead of the other two holding up a teddy bear, only Saga appeared in afterwards. I looked over at the younger and smiled softly at him.

"Thank you he's cute...awes it says 'get well soon'." I smiled even more handing it back to be placed on the table, Saga stepped in placing the bouquet of flowers next the teddy bear.

"How are you feeling?" The brunette asked watching me move my attention toward him closing my eyes, and just before I could answer I heard shouting.

Nao popped into the doorway with a grin on his face, "guess what guys! Tora is going to be ok!!"

Hiroto grinned turning toward to me, "did you hear that!? See everything will be ok!" I laughed nodding at him, a sigh following after.

The elder approached the bed with a nurse following him pulling up a wheelchair to my bed, "let's so go see him, shall we?"

"Really? Is that ok?" I looked over at the nurse watching her nod, "alright then let's go."

***Tora's Room***

The four of us headed out occupied with the nurse carting my IV up to the ICU. Tora's condition has been stabilized but still no physical contact can be made due to his condition. Nao wheeled me right up to bed first, "hey Tora...it's me Shou...I hope you remember me. I was told you had a nasty hit to your head."

The man slowly moved his head toward me, he looked a lot better but I could tell he was still in no condition to leave, "Shou? I...I don't remember anyone named Shou...and my name isn't Tora it's Shinji..." I bit my lip, he had lost a lot of his memory down to his stage name...this is bad... I turned away unable to take this anymore and urged the nurse to take me back to my room. "Is he going to be ok?" Tora looked up at the rest of us.

"He's just a little shaken up that you don't remember him...do you remember me?" Hiroto tilted his head trying to keep his speech nice and slow for him to understand.

The older bit his lip, "am I supposed to?" The blonde sighed keeping calm.

"It's me...Hiroto...take your time." He smiled softly hoping he remembers.

"I remember...your hair was never blonde...is that your natural hair color?" Tora frowned, the younger could tell he was trying.

He shook his head, "no my natural hair is jet black...I used to have auburn and different shades of brown, blonde is my most recent color." Saga and Nao were also biting their lips hoping he might catch on.

"No...I don't remember that...you just look familiar that's all I got...I'm sorry..." Tora frowned rubbing his head.

"Headache?" Saga asked holding up a glass of water watching the older take a sip through a straw, nodding in return.

"A little but I am ok thank you, do I know you?" Tora turned to Saga, this was going to be a long day.

***Shou's Room***

"Shou! There you are!" Nao yelled appearing at the doorway slowly walking in. "I know it's hard and..."

"I hate you..." I muttered turning away. The elder bit his lips feeling a bit puzzled and started to approach closer to me, "I fucken hate you Nao this is all your fault!"

Nao's eyes widened completely taken back by the sudden outburst, "h-how is it my fault? I fail to understand your logic...but I understand you're mad..."

"No, you don't! You don't know!" I growled turning toward Nao chucking the teddy bear at him. The elder's eyes widened in shock at my action and knelt picking the bear off the ground and dusted it off shaking his head.

"Hiroto picked this out just for you and this is the thanks you give him?! And as for me...I carefully thought this all out...you are the one at fault for being so careless!" Nao growled, "I'm taking the bear, Tora may need it more then you!" And stormed out.

"N-Nao! Fuck...this is just wonderful..." I frowned pounding my fist on the bar on the side of my bed wincing. "Maybe it is all my fault...maybe I was being a little careless..."

***Tora's Room***

"Nao! Where is Shou?" Hiroto turned and froze seeing him holding the bear in his hands, "no...he didn't..." The elder nodded slowly walking up to him handing him the bear. "I picked this out special for him..."

"I know...just leave it here with Tora I'm sure he will appreciate it more." Nao replied noticing Tora watching us, wondering what the commotion was all about. The elder looked over at his band mate sighing, "just a little fight is all, he was being selfish."

Tora frowned watching the blonde hold out the bear to him, his expression immediately changing, "awe thank you, if he doesn't want it I'll be more than happy to take it...he doesn't seem like a very nice guy."

Hiroto shook his head, "it's not that...he's just upset about what he put you through." The older tilted his head in confusion, "you were in an accident and he's beating himself up about it."

"I was?! When was this?!" Tora's eyes widened glancing around the room, "is that why I am here?" The younger nodded at him. "What happened?"

Saga sighed, "we aren't so sure all we know is that you suffered from memory loss..."

The older bowed his head, "is that so..." he slowly moved his gaze toward the three, "who are you guys anyway? Did I...know you guys before?" The trio nodded. "Ah...why can't I remember?"


	3. Sympathy

~1:34~

I couldn't sleep...even if I tried I'm afraid I would lay on my wound by accident and Tora was constantly on my mind. The flowers were taken out due to health reasons, the whole allergy thing or whatever. This gesture didn't make my day any better for me. I glanced over at the bare table trying to fight back tears and reached behind me pressing the call button. Shortly after a nurse hurried in, "what can I do for you sir?"

"Please move me up to Tora's room, I need to be with him...I...I feel like if I did that...it would help him remember..." I bit my lip swallowing hard, "plus I can't sleep..."

The nurse nodded, "I understand are you sure about this?"

"Positive...it would help us both...that is what my gut is telling me..." I watched her nod disappearing for a moment. She soon reappeared with a wheelchair and a clip board showing paperwork for patient relocation. I felt like I was signing my life away... well I kind of was...The nurse placed the clipboard on the door, wheeling me out with my IV.

"It will take a moment to re situate the room will you be ok?" The nurse asked as we entered the elevator, I nodded and we arrived at Tora's door. "One moment." The nurse unlocked the door and walked in turning on the light, "I am sorry to wake you my dear. We have someone here that requested to be moved into your room, he seems to know you. Will you be ok?"

Tora groaned looking over at the door now open, "hey there...I figured you could use some company." The older smiled softly, moving his attention back to the nurse and nodded. He watched my wheel chair and another bed with monitors attached being wheeled into the room and placed in the vacant spot next to Tora's bed.

After a quick set up the nurse left us two alone, I sat up looking over at him watching his eyes advert over to me, I could tell he looked exhausted. "Why did you want to come up here?"

I swallowed hard, "I...felt bad for how I acted earlier that I couldn't sleep without wanting to apologize."

The older chuckled, "you shouldn't apologize to me, you should apologize to that guy Hiroto, he went out of his way to get that bear for you."

I nodded, "I will I promise...but first the reason why I am apologizing to you as well is that...I caused the accident." Tora's eyes widened then shook his head, "I'm not lying...I...was drunk and half asleep...and I got you all jumbled up..."

"I was? And you were drunk? Were you...driving?" Tora tilted his head.

I shook my head, "no you were I um...well...slipped and um...yea..." I turned away my face a bright red, even though the older was having a hard time trying to remember he did catch onto how I was acting.

"You...like me...don't you?" I turned back to him still red in the face nodding slowly, "but why? I hardly know you...and you decide to show up in my room."

"It's probably better this way..." I muttered bowing my head, it was pointless trying to get him to remember...he probably doesn't even remember what he was going to tell me over a month ago.

"Do what now?" Tora tilted his head, "are you ok? You probably need some sleep you look beat...what was your name again?"

I laughed nodding, "you don't look any better...I'm Kazumasa...It's nice to meet you Shinji." I smiled bowing my head.

The older nodded snickering as well, "I guess we are in the same boat, it's a pleasure to meet you...though the name sounds familiar...I don't know why I heard it from somewhere..."

I sighed, "save it for the morning, I am sure we can figure this all out then." Tora nodded and reached over to the switch next to him, turning out the lights.

~13:15~

"Really now? We go back that far?" The elder’s eyes widened, I nodded in reply "So my stage name is Tora huh? And yours is Shou?"

"That is correct." I nodded again, "My full name is O’Hara Kazumasa, you already know yours I hope..."

"Tora Amano...haha I'm Amano Shinji...yes I do remember who I am...I just can't understand why I can't remember much of anything else..." Tora bowed his head.

I sighed shaking my head, "these things take time but I am sure in a little while these little bits of information can help you remember."

The older smiled, "thank you for being so patient with me, I don't know what I would do without someone as kind and generous as yourself."

My cheeks turned a bright red rubbing the back of my neck with my non-injured hand, thankfully it was my left. "It's because...well you are like an older brother to me...and I really care about you and your well being, without you...I wouldn't be the person I am today...that is why...I need you to remember...because I need you..."

Tora's eyes widened watching me fight back tears and smiled softly, "I will do my best Shou, I won't give up on you...I promise."

"Ok." I smiled happily, "ok the other members’ names are Hiroto or Ogata Hiroto, he's the only member that goes by his real name..."

"Why don't we go by ours?" The older interrupted, "sorry I was just curious."

I shook my head, "that's alright...well we started out with these stage names when were younger but Saga did ask that same question years ago. We go by our stage names to make it easier for our fans to remember us."

"Ah well that makes sense...who are the others?" Tora nodded briefly tilting his head, he looked too adorable and innocent to not get mad with, especially while playing twenty questions.

"The tall skinny one is Sakamoto Takeshi but he goes by Saga, we call him the 'bottomless pit'." I laughed imagining him shoving his face with a large pizza.

"But he's so skinny how is that possible?!" The older frowned shaking his head.

"I was thinking the same damn thing seriously...it's his metabolism his body won't stop burning it off so he will just eat and eat and eat till he's satisfied. Lucky bastard I eat a good meal and I get a gut." I shook my head looking down. _Yup it’s still there,_  I winced pulling up the button ups they give you as patients spotting a scar where the gash used to be. Surprisingly it wasn't that noticeable.

Tora sat up glancing over, "are you alright?" My face turned bright red and quickly let go of my button down nodding. "I guess you got hurt there."

I nodded biting my lip the guilt never going away, _what if he...when he remembers everything again...hate me for what I have done..._

"It's ok Shou we are in this together, everything will be ok." The older smiled that sweet cheery smile, always warming me up on the inside, he knew how to make situations like this more bearable. "So, who is the burly guy?"

"Ah that's Murai Naoyuki, he goes by Nao. He can get kind of loud if he gets 'aroused' in a way where he either is obnoxiously scared or obnoxiously happy...rarely does he ever get angry...but when he does...it...can get a little scary but again it's rare. He's a big coward." I laughed shaking my head, his loud voice could never leave my head whenever I think about him.

Tora nodded mouthing the names I mentioned, looking back at me again, "well those names aren't so hard to remember...in fact they sound oddly familiar."

"Oh? Well don't hurt yourself now." I chuckled smiling softly at him, "all I have to say is your memory is coming sooner than I thought, which is excellent."

The older grinned ear to ear and before he could say anything else the door slammed open causing us both to flinch.

"Hello bitches we are back!" Nao busted through the room with a bag in his hands, the other two holding drinks, "we have nourishments for you two."

The younger laughed placing the respected drinks down for us to reach, "we stopped by a sandwich place on the way here, figured you could use some real food."

"Hey...Hiroto...oh thank you," I smiled when he handed my sandwich unfolding it, just how I wanted it. "Come here." I waved at the blonde watching him walk over and I pulled him close hugging him tightly. He almost fell over grasping hold onto the bar of the bed, "I'm sorry about yesterday...it's just..."

The blonde pulled back a little pressing his finger against my lips, "shh it's ok I know you didn't mean to, I understand what it's like to be forgotten...it's hard...we are all hurting but we can get this through together ne~" Hiroto moved out of my arms winking at me, turning back shortly after to grab his share of the food. My face was bright red when I heard laughing from the other bed.

"You shut you up real good." Tora grinned unwrapping his sandwich, "ah this looks tasty, is this what I normally get?" I looked over my mouth full of food and nodded. "Hmmm you look like a chipmunk." I narrowed my eyes turning back to my sandwich, the others snickered. I'm just glad everything is working out.

~15:17~

The nurse popped in ushering everyone out as visiting hours were coming to an end. Thank god, I'm so exhausted from just watching and listening to them, Tora was in the same boat. In fact, he already passed out...he looked like a stone-dead angel.

"Good seeing you guys again," Saga smiled waving at us then bowed out.

"Take it easy now we want you two back in one piece." Hiroto snickered and bowed out.

"Yes, what he said, we miss you guys please get well soon!" Nao grinned bowing out, joining the others waiting for him.

"We will do our best." I replied even though they didn't hear me I felt like I needed to say it anyway and closed my eyes.

~16:34~

Loud noises caused me to shoot up out of my bed wincing in pain. One eye popped open wondering what was going on and why there are so many people in the room. Then it hit me...Tora stopped breathing.

"We're losing him! We’re losing him!" One of them yelled.

"It's his lungs they have some tar in them we need to get them cleaned out stat!" Another yelled and everyone carted him out of the room.

"Omg...I hope you are ok...hang in there buddy." I bit my lip tears threatening to fall. "I feel like...at this point...I'll never get close to him..."

***ICU Sterile Room***

"Good work team we managed to get his air ways open enough without having to cut in, hopefully we can flush out that tar so his lungs can heal properly." The lead smiled and bowed out.

"You just aren't getting break you poor child, hang in there you can't leave yet." One of the nurses bowed her head and made a sign with her hands then left.

***Studio***

~random ringtone~

"Ah!" The blonde jumped feeling his butt vibrate, pulling out his phone.

"What is it?" The brunette walked over watching him start to shake, "Hiroto...what is it? Please tell us." The phone slipped through his hands falling onto the floor causing a crack to appear on the screen, a message appearing on the lock screen:

_17:02_  
_March 8,2012_  
_Hospital_

_News alert for patient #0242, Shinji Amano_  
_has recently been relocated to a mandatory higher_  
_regulated ICU. The patient currently is in poor_  
_condition and must be isolated to insure for_  
_quick recovery, visiting hours have_  
_been terminated until farther notice._

"So, that's it that's all we get?" The younger frowned shaking his head, "I'd like to know why he's there."

Saga handed back the phone, "we all do, here you need to be more careful you're lucky that there is only a small crack on it." Hiroto snatched the phone out of his hands and stormed out.

"Is he going to be ok?" Nao frowned both wincing from the door being slammed shut.

"Just give him some time, we are all hurting just as he said, he's just the most emotional out of the three of us here, he probably didn't want us to see him break down." Saga sighed lighting up a cigarette.

Nao plopped down across of him away from the smoke, "I sure hope so, poor guy this must be really rough on him." The brunette nodded giving out another sigh. "Today is going to be a long day ne~"

"Tell me about it~" Saga rolled his eyes, he had enough drama for one day and hoped tomorrow will be better.

 


	4. I Have a Confession

"Shou darling you have visitors~" A nurse chimed popping in. It's been one hell of a night, tossing and turning in bed with thoughts of Tora slipping away, my eyes completely bloodshot. I just grumbled, I didn't want anyone to see that I looked like shit today...pretty much unavoidable at this point.

"You don't look so good, is this a bad time?" The blonde frowned pointing out the slight redness in my eyes, "were you crying?"

"Shut up." I turned away biting my lip, "I'm sorry..." I didn't dare look back at him, he was probably the most hurt out of everyone in the room due to how close we were all these years.

"Hey now what gives...ow!" The brunette flinched from being elbowed in the side exchanging glares with the older man.

Nao shook his head looking back over at the youngest now sitting in a chair in complete silence, his head hung low. The brunette walked over and knelt watching his head turn quickly away. He could tell he was fighting back tears and started to rub his back only to be rejected. The eldest shook his head approaching my bed, noticing my attention had moved to the blonde. "He's been like this all day...please be a little nicer..."

"It's about Tora...isn't it?" I interrupted watching the blonde pop his head up his eyes crowned, seeing him nod. "I guess I should tell you what happened..." I took a deep breath, "but first please come here." I waved at the youngest watching him bring the chair closer to the bed. I reached over grasping his chin rubbing the tears away with my other hoping the stitches wouldn't loosen.

That look in his eyes tore me to pieces, this was going to be really rough on him. He has been growing closer to Tora lately always competing with each other, such show offs. "Late last night I woke up to loud noises like an alarm or something." Hiroto pulled away his eyes still glued to mine, "I looked over and there was a flashing blue light over Tora's bed and a group of frantic doctors. I couldn't see anything but when I looked at his monitors..." I bit my lip lowering my head.

"Shou, please it's ok what happened?" The younger reached up cupping my cheek bringing my attention back to his, his hand felt so soft and warm.

"You sure?" I frowned watching him nod, a soft smile appeared on my lips gently cupping his hand before pulling it away. "His monitor tracking his breathing rate went flat lined." Hiroto's eyes widened and started to water up. I knew this would happen, there was no way to avoid this, he had the most sympathy out of all of us combined. "Hiroto! Wait!"

I watched the blonde rush out of the room nearly running into the wall, his vision I'm sure was blurred from the mascara and tears. I winced when my hand started to hurt just from slightly balling them up.

"I'll go get him...and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid." The brunette got up and bowed out.

"Thanks Saga." I watched the stick turn back to me with a soft smile and nodded, disappearing down the hall.

Nao sat down in the chair next to me placing both hands on the bar of the bed, "he will be fine, he will always will be we all know that."

"I know...it just kills me seeing him like this, I wish I could do more..." My eyes went crossed watching his finger touch my lips.

"Shhh you have done your part, that is all you can do right now." I nodded swatting his finger away and laid down onto my back my eyes adverted toward the ceiling.

I took a deep breath closing my eyes I didn't want Nao to see my eyes anymore, not after what just happened. "I just wish I knew what was going on in that head of his, I'm sure it's all tangled up like a spider web."

Nao laughed shrugging, "I thought the same, he is all over the place with his thoughts it's our job to make sure he doesn't float away ne~" I laughed nodding at him a soft smile appearing on my face.

Get better soon Tora, please...for Hiroto's sake...and for my sanity...I can't stop thinking about you...

***Outside***

After about a few minutes of searching Saga found Hiroto curled up in the car passed out. _He must have cried himself to sleep._  Saga sighed tapping on the window causing the poor guy to hit his head on the ceiling of the interior, the older cringing. The younger reached for the door unlocking the driver's side. "What the hell are you doing in here Shou is worried sick about you." Saga frowned climbing into the seat for a better look, he definitely cried himself to sleep you could see puffiness in his eyes.

"He is?" He frowned watching Saga nod at him, "I'm so sorry it's just this is so much, I'm really scared."

"We all are, but you need to keep your head up and stay positive for Tora, he needs all of us to stay strong..."

"He doesn't remember us Saga, how can I if he can't even recognize me!" The younger turned away biting hard on his lip. The brunette crawled closer to his band mate placing his bony hand on his thigh.

"It will take time, he will remember just give him a chance." He watched the blonde turn back his face bright red.

"Saga..." He moaned adverting down where his hand was and watched him quickly retract it becoming even more red than Hiroto.

"Ah! So sorry! I guess I got a little carried away." The older turned away listening to the younger laugh. "We should get back before Nao starts asking questions."

Hiroto nodded, "I don't like the fact that he can be so nosy." Saga laughed nodding in return.

***Shou's room***

"Ah took you guys long enough!" Nao laughed, "I just ordered us pizza..."

"Is that legal?" Saga frowned.

"Apparently so, but they can't go past the front desk, I guess that would make sense though." Nao shrugged.

Hiroto laughed, "well only one way to find out ne~" And right on schedule a nurse popped in pulling Nao to the side ushering to pick up an order at the desk.

I shook my head snickering to myself at the scene going on in front of me, _pizza does sound good though...I hope he got a personal one for Saga...I wish Tora got a slice...maybe I should save him one...yea I'll do that..._

Nao returned to the room with two large boxes, the top one clearly just for Saga the bottom for the others, "bon apatite~" The brunette grabbed the top box and went to sit down pulling it open taking in the whiff of the aroma.

"Ahhhh that's the stuff..." Saga grinned and started to indulge himself, the others laughed shaking their heads and grabbed their own pieces.

"Hey, Nao...oh thank you." I took the plate he handed to me, it really did smell absolutely amazing.

The eldest turned with the pizza in his mouth, I couldn't help but laugh, "what's up." He replied with a mouthful it was rather difficult to tell what he said exactly without seeing the food flop in his mouth.

I shook my head snickering again, "please save one for Tora, I'm sure he would appreciate it."

"Already was planning on leaving some we got the biggest size." Hiroto grinned before chowing down on his own slice, I sighed happily it felt good that they still considered him even though he's not at his best or his self rather...I felt rather fortunate to have friends such as them.

"Hey guys...there is something I'd like to share." I bit my lip handing Nao my empty plate, everyone's attention now on me, I could feel my heart wanting to leap right out of my chest. "Do you guys remember that one day a long while back when you guys decided to eavesdrop on my conversation with Tora?"

Saga tilted his head his cheeks full of pizza, the others were also puzzled at my question until one of them spoke up, "yea what about it?" It was the blonde.

I bit my lip hard, "I had a hunch that he was...going to confess to me." Then there was silence...the same kind of silence that started all of this nonsense...the whole 'secret thing for me'.

"Do you think so?" Nao asked looking at the others all still unsure where this was going.

"Well you guys all knew about it, right?" I looked over at them waiting for a response.

"Well..." Saga swallowed, "if I stand corrected when he and I shared a room one time I heard him say your name and about wanting...but he wasn't clear...normally he doesn't really talk in his sleep so this was an odd thing to hear...or at least I don't think he does."

Nao laughed, "Tora was always a mystery, anything can happen with that guy." Everyone laughed including myself.

"Well...he won't know now his memory isn't back yet..." I looked down.

Hiroto approached my bed, "you have feelings for him...don't you?" I looked at him frowning, I really didn't like the tone he had in his voice but he was spot on...I did feel for him for a while I just felt embarrassed and afraid it would hurt what we had... _I wonder if he felt the same._

"Why do you have to say it like as being a bad thing?" I sighed watching his expression changed from jaded to confused but he just moved away and walked over to Saga. _I wish I knew what was going on in his head right now...poor guy..._

Nao sat down next to me on my bed patting my back, "he's just having one of those days, today just isn't a good day for him..."

"I don't think that's the case I am sure he had an interest in me but I always thought..." I interrupted glancing over at the two chatting.

The elder's eyes widened at the thought looking back over at me, "do you think that would be the case?" I moved my eyes back at my band mate next to me and shrugged.

I lowered my voice leaning toward him, "I think it's obvious because he replied instantly the moment I asked if he was going to be ok...there is definitely something there no doubt about it...are you jealous?" Nao turned away shaking his head, "are you sure about that?"

"Well I always like Saga and enjoyed my time with him but he seems more comfortable around him without having to be naked and share about our bath time and..."

"Nao...please spare me the details...ok?" I laughed shaking my head, "but you do have a point though, those two are often together lately though they are closer in age...and he obviously is more attractive than me. Besides the girls love him and he won't hesitate in sweeping Hiroto off his feet." And I had a pair of eyes staring at me...my voice apparently was a bit louder then I attended it to be. _Shit..._

The eldest shook his head, "you just dug yourself a really big hole now..."

I hung my head, he was right not once had I been nice to Hiroto ever since all this happened...I felt like shit...he really doesn't deserve someone like me...not after what I did to him just now...

"Oi, Shou what was that all about...me sweeping him off his feet? You obviously know how to make his life a living hell...let's go Nao I believe we are not wanted here." Saga got up, the blonde had already left the room moments before. Those words felt like daggers and on the other hand Nao's silence just made things even worse as the two existed the room.

_What has gotten into me? Why am I being such a bitch...at least they left the pizza behind...god I don't think I can take this anymore...why am I so bitter...I need you Tora...I don't think I can take this without you...you are the only one that knows how to ground me..._ I bowed my head a tear rolling down my cheek. 


	5. The Break Through

Three days of grueling physical therapy and I was back on my feet sore as fuck. At least I could move. The stitches were replaced with dissolvable ones allowing more range of moment and will be fully dissolved after roughly a week...apparently, I can't do much until then, at least I can masturbate with my dominate...that would be problematic. During those brutal days, I received no visits or even any messages, nothing no matter how many times I asked I still got the same exact answer.

"How can I get home and rest if no one can pick up the damn phone." I sighed sitting on the bench sniffing my armpit almost puking, "oh god I need to shower." I pulled up the bottom of my shirt to see the scar on my side had faded not completely, just enough that you would have to really take a good look at it to see it. "At least that is one less thing for me to worry about..."

"Excuse me are you...O’Hara-san?" A nurse popped up tapping my shoulder causing me to jump, "oh so sorry, am I interrupting something?" I shook my head tilting it to the side, "good Amano-san had requested you to go visit him right now."

My eyes widened, "he's...he's..."

"Yes, he pulled out just fine and very stubborn I suggested him to wait but he said it was urgent." The nurse replied watching me stand up hands shaking, "are you ok?"

My eyes fluttered, "huh? Oh, it sure sounds like him though, please take me there."

***Tora's room/pov***

_I wonder if he will actually show up...I...hate being so alone around people I don't recognize...not once did I get a visitor...this Shou guy...he...basically is all I got..._

"I was told this was an urgent matter for me to be here." My eyes glanced up at the dark-haired man standing at the doorway all dressed up in street clothes... _god did he clean up good...fuck._ I nodded shyly ushering him over watching him pull up a seat.

A soft smile appeared on my lips, _I am so glad he came...and so suddenly...did I really mean that much to him in the past? Do I still mean something to him now?_ "Thank you for coming in on such a short notice." I watched Shou smile that same sweet smile, _somehow I've seen it countless times but why can't I remember? It just...gives this...pleasant warm fuzzy feeling._

"Your color is coming back...I was so worried..."

"I know...I am so sorry that I scared you like that." I bowed my head rubbing the back of my neck, now no longer sore from the lacerations. "I guess it's time I stop smoking..." I laughed coughing a little.

Shou nodded, "I'm just glad you're ok that is all that matters to me right now." I watched the younger reach over and gently take my hand rubbing his thumb over the top. Even though his hands felt cold... _they still felt...welcoming...I could feel all the stress from the strained muscles, such a strong man for being so small compared to me._

"Shou..." I moaned biting my lip wincing, "what is this sticking out of my lip it's so sharp."

"Hmmm?" He tilted his head giving a cute little humming noise.

_Why am I so aroused right now? I barely know him...though his mannerisms were so adorable..._

I reached over to turn on the lights for more light even though it was the afternoon, gesturing to the sharp point on my lip, "oh that's a stud you had forever but it got infected and the way it healed your skin closed up around it so the only way to get it out is reconstructive surgery." My eyes widened shaking my head quickly watching Shou laugh.

_My headaches...they are gone...I had them horrible just this morning...now...I feel so...light I can finally think straight...everything is still fuzzy but...his presence...what is this guy and why am I feeling this tension...why is my heart racing?_

"You chose to save your mouth so it's stuck for life, it doesn't bother me one bit I was the one that watched you get it after all." I watched the man shrug, tapping my chin thought. "It's alright it will come to you eventually you were the one I looked up to the most and...well I still do...without you man I wouldn't be here right now."

I watched his eyes crown and his head looking away, _now I understand why he needs me...I made a huge impact in his life...and now I don't even remember what that was.._."Shou...please don't cry...I need...you to be strong for me...I told you I won't give up." The younger turned back toward me sniffling and that sweet loving smile...appearing again on his face. I pulled him closer maybe a little too hard not realizing my own strength, Shou planting his hand on the other side of me catching himself, the look in his eyes was priceless.

"Tora..." The leader moaned, if one of us were to move our lips would lock...I am surprised he can still hold himself up. "My hand hurts."

"Oh, right sorry." I helped him back into the chair looking over at his hand he still had stitches in it and thankfully they didn't budge.

The younger laughed nervously shaking his head, "no no...if my wasn't hurting so much I would..." Then he turned away.

"Would what?" I spoke only to be cut short from incoming shouting.

"TORA OH MY GOD YOU'RE OK!!" Hiroto ran in grasping the bars not noticing one bit that Shou was next to him.

I laughed, "yes...I am ok thank god...it is good to see you again Hiroto." A smile appeared wildly on his face, I could see streaks forming on his cheeks. "How could I forget someone with such a big heart as yourself."

 _Saga smiled standing next to the younger winking at him, I guess they had a talk about me...I wonder what they said. Those two seem close...would make a cute a couple...I wouldn't mind seeing that...anything that will make that little guy happy._ I smiled happily at the two deciding to keep my thoughts to myself didn't want to ruin their special moment.. _.Shou did smell really good...oh god why am I thinking about this right now?!_

"Hey Tora-chan~! I'm happy you are ok!" The eldest popped in with a bag in his hands, "I hope you are well enough to enjoy my specialty."

"Oh great...I hope you don't mind deviled or poached eggs." Shou chuckled looking over at Nao approaching the bed and placing it into my lap.

I glanced over at him briefly before peeked into the bag. It had an interesting smell to it and pulled out a foam take out box popping it open, feeling the immense warmth from the food...but not only that...they had faces drawn onto each one with edible ink. "Well it will be very difficult to eat these with them staring at me like that." I laughed looking back over at the eldest watching a grin appear on his face.

"Well that is the point, right? To make sure you eat each one...need to fatten you back up ne~" Nao nodded at me still grinning.

"Is his logic always this confusing?" I laughed watching the others nod, "ok that's good. Thank you, Nao, they are absolutely adorable. I appreciate your efforts."

"Ohhhh you haven't seen the best I can do yet! You just wait and see!" He gave me this very serious look, even though with the context he was giving...how could I take him seriously?

Everyone else gave a face palm then a nurse came popping in, "sorry to cut this short but it's time for his daily medication..."

"Please...a little longer...besides I feel fine I don't have any headaches..." I frowned looking at the others.

"I understand I'll make note but if you start feeling off..."

"I will let you know, don't worry." I smiled watching the nurse bow and walk out.

Hiroto looked down at his phone, visiting hours were coming to an end anyway. I could tell the sadness in his eyes and reached over to tug on his arm, causing him to flinch. "Ah what gives..." He turned frowning.

I sighed pulling him closer lowering my voice, "you can visit me anytime I will be here for a while until my headaches are completely gone...and Hiroto..."

The younger nodded in acknowledgment, I could tell he was having mixed feelings about everything that has happened in such a short amount of time, "Ok...what?"

I looked over noticing Shou talking to the others just outside of the door watching the younger's eyes follow mine, "I understand you feel torn by the way Shou has been treating you lately he really doesn't mean to, the way he expresses pain is much different then you but it does kill him on the inside. He still dearly cares about you and constantly worries about you in fact...he mentioned you quite a lot."

"He did?" His eyes lit up his whole demeanor changing as if he felt some sort of hope, "I guess I was a little rough on him...thank you for telling me...I've been so selfish with my actions."

I smiled squeezing his arm a little, "we are all are tense about all of this...please be strong for Shou...for me please." I released my hand watching him.

Hiroto smiled clasping his hands and bowed low, "I will I promise..." And slowly got up.

"Hey one more thing before you go." I called out, "if you like Saga...then like him...you two look close...even Shou sees it."

The younger's eyes lit up, "he does? So, I guess that is what he meant...by sweeping me up." I knitted my eyebrows at him tilting my head.

"He said that?" I watched him nod, "well that's an odd thing to say but I understand what he might have meant to just let him take you away the feeling is there. No need to fight it."

Hiroto lowered his head, "I...do sort of feel...for him...a little torn as I like Shou too but he I guess doesn't see me like I see him...he likes you more anyway..."

I froze, now I felt even more confused where this was going, "conflict of interests? And yet he chooses me?" I watched him nod, "Hiroto...if that is how it is...then you should just let it go it seems like he made his mind...I am on no one's side just stating from what I gathered."

The younger looked up at me I could tell he was hurting, "I guess you're right...Shou has been rather distant with me lately. Every time I try to get close to him, he blows me off and when this happens...Saga jumps in...so does this mean..."

I nodded at him, "if it was meant to be then let it and see where it goes but first you need to know if he feels the same before jumping to conclusions."

"Thank you, Tora, it makes sense now...I feel a little better now...please take good care of Shou for me ok? He is not as strong as he looks." Hiroto looked over at the door they were still waiting on him.

"Of course, I will. He is in good hands, he is lucky to have people like you around in his life, don't ever forget that ok?" I smiled ruffling his hair, a scowl appeared on his face. I guess he doesn't like his hair to be messed with. "Sorry."

"Oi! Hiroto let's go before we get in trouble!" The brunette groaned his head popping in from the doorway. I laughed nudging him along, watching him dart for the door and receiving a scolding...odd way of giving love I guess.

***Late Night Visit (Shou pov)***

_So apparently, I got a message that I have extra visiting rights extending to late at night...is he that needy? Well he did say he had no one else, that really broke my heart he has a lot of friends and now he only wants me around...he really did forget quite a lot...poor guy._

I arrived at the hospital via taxi my hand wasn't in the best condition for me to drive. I approached the front desk showing my slip receiving a nod. I bowed in return heading for Tora's room.

***Tora's Room***

_This almost didn't feel right but...I can't say no to his request...I mean he is desperate to know anything and everything he can...I would too...and the 'wanting' for extra attention with someone he feels most safe with...I guess that is how he feels about me._

I spotted the door cracked open and gently pushed it open, "I'm glad you came...you're probably wondering why I gave you extra permission."

 _It's like he read my mind or something..._ I nodded and sat down the chair still next to him, I could tell he was a little tired. "Shouldn't you rest?"

"I can't that's the thing I haven't slept well since your discharge, I know that sounds pathetic...but I really enjoyed your company." Tora sighed trying to keep his feelings in check.

My eyes light up biting hard on my lip. _It is just as bad as I thought...poor guy I guess I will be here for the rest of the night then...too much of a hassle to grab another taxi late into the night._ "I'm sorry to hear that, I don't mind staying the night...I can't do much anyway because of my hand." I watched Tora's expression change from frustrated to... _god whatever is going on in that head of his right now._

 


	6. Bitter Sweet

***Tora's pov***

_Why is he looking at me like that? Does he think I have something in mind for him? Well...he has been on my mind all day...I guess that makes him too tired to leave? Hahaha I hope that's the case I could use someone to keep me company._

"Are you alright Tora? Hello earth to Tora." Shou waved his hand in from of my face causing my eyes to flutter, "what's on that mind of yours seriously."

"Ah well..." I started to rub the back of my neck chewing hard on my lip, for some odd reason I couldn't get that conversation out of my about him needing me and how much I meant to him. _Does he really like me?_

_The younger's eyes fluttered and his eyebrows knitted, now I could see the wheels turning in that head of his...this is so awkward...why is he staring at me like that?!_

~Tora's imagination~

"Well what Tora~ what is it?" The leader cooed placing his long bony fingers onto my thigh and his injured hand cupping my cheek moving closer and closer to me.

"I ah...uhh well..." My mind was in a complete and total jumble much like a 'Humana Humana Humana' moment for I could only feel my mouth opening and closing, feeling dry and speechless.

Shou leaned in, his hand from my thigh slowly dragging up under my hospital gown smoothing along my stomach. "You want me to...stay here?" He whispered softly his teeth latching onto my earlobe. "Because you know..." my heart started to race, sweat already collecting at my armpits and rolling off my forehead. That same bony hand sliding down to my inner thigh, so painfully close to my balls. His free hand moved from my cheek to the back of my gown and started to unlatch the buttons with ease. "...we need to keep this in a quiet manner~"

I nodded over and over, then he gave me this strange look on his face...this is when I released the headache meds just started to kick in.

~Reality~

"Tora...why are you nodding and giving me that...whatever is on your mind right now and that face...it's creeping me out..." Shou frowned. "Are you going to answer my question or not?"

I shook my head my eyes fluttering, I could feel my face burning up from the total embarrassment I just made of myself, "ah yes yes you can stay...is it just me or is it getting hot in here?"

The leader stood up from the chair, apparently, he did have his hand on my thigh but made no other advancements. I felt his cold hand against my forehead watching that beautiful face fill up with worry. "You have a slight fever is that normal? Are you taking something?"

I sat up on my bed and faced myself toward him... _and now he was standing between my legs...yea that's not a good place for you to stand Shou._ I reached over to my night stand not realizing where my hand was for leverage, for his body was strangely closer than I anticipated.

"Ah Tora...why are you grabbing my ass..." The younger frowned now his face a bright red, _great now what..._ I sat back up with the container just now noticing where my hand was and quickly pulled away clearing my throat handing him the container. "Hmm it says may cause hallucinations, take with caution...do not take it with alcohol or...yatta yatta yatta...will shit..."

~Tora's imagination~

"I don't think I'm hallucinating~ baby did I tell you look fine today." I cooed popping his ass causing him to fling the container across the floor thankfully the lid was on tight. My only response was a loud squeal and the covering of his mouth, _how cuter can this get seriously..._

"Ooops...it slipped...should I go get it?" He asked walking over to the container bending over his ass clearly in view, finding myself glossing my lips profusely.

"You have a very lovely ass...can I...touch it?" I asked watching him return with the container placing it on the table. I watched him shyly shuffle his way over just enough for me to pull him toward me, my hands fiddling at the belt. Shou swatted at my hand then smack me across the face giving me a look I will never forget. _I almost stuck my hands down my band mate's pants...great...smooth one there tiger...smooth..._

~Reality~

"What the hell is wrong with you, first you grope me then stare at me and almost grope me again...I'm not so sure I can handle this." Shou frowned crossing his arms, _I can't believe this...the one person that gave me a chance...and I blew it..._

"Shou...it's just...I don't know what the hell I'm doing...like I don't remember any of that..." I turned away the shame inside me tearing me apart bit by bit, "I...feel like at this rate...something could happen and..."

Shou grasped my chin and pulled me right back face to face with those eyes, _I need to fight these hallucinations focus focus...he has such pretty eyes._ "Tora stay with me..."

~Tora's imagination~

"You have beautiful eyes Shou has anyone tell you that?" I grinned happily much like a cheerful cat. I watched him pull away shuffling his feet, "it's the truth, something about those gorgeous orbs looking at me, really gets me going."

The leader looked up moving closer, "thank you...and no, no one has...I guess a little physical contact won't hurt.

"Shou..." I moaned watching him come closer to me until I can touch his belt again his hand on top of mine, tugging on me like he changed his mind but I was too stubborn and ripped away his belt watching his pants sag a little. He tried to swat at my hand again but my strength still over powered his. I grabbed both of his wrists with one hand over his head and my other slipping under the fabric of his boxers. The smooth feeling felt amazing on my slightly tough skin watching his body shiver.

~Reality~

"Let me go!! Tora, it hurts stop it!" The younger yelled causing me to wake up and release my grip watching the poor guy stumble back onto the chair panting, grasping and rubbing his wrists. "What has gotten into you?! Seriously..."

"Shou please...I really don't know what's going on...my headaches are never here when your around and only mild when the others are here but when you’re not and they are its unbearable. I'm starting to realize that now..." I watched Shou look up at me in shock completely forgetting why we were fighting.

"Really? Maybe we can ease each person in over time so it doesn't matter who’s in here...would that work?" He tilted his head, but it was already too late I couldn't stop staring. _I feel like I'm really losing it._

~Tora's imagination~

"Well we can try that another time...let's just focus on...us...you like me, right?" I tilted my head watching an instant reaction and a red face. "Awe someone is being rather bashful~"

Shou swatted his hands at me, "oh stop it you're making me feel like a tomato~"

I laughed ushering him to come between my legs, "well mister tomato, I bet I can make you feel even more special~" I cooed wrapping my arms around him his arms around my neck, he was acting a little clumsy in the process.

"What do you have in mind?" He cooed resting his forehead against mine, a wicked smile appeared on my lips.

"The time of your life you will never forget~" I winked leaning in my lips grasping at the nape applying enough force to cause the small patch of skin to turn a purplish-blue. "You're mine now."

Shou's eyes widened when he felt my hands in his pants again, and once again he fought against me, but this time I didn't let him win. My hand squeezed tightly on his bare butt cheek and my other cradling his cheek meshing my lips with his. They felt so soft and pulled him closer enough so my erection could rub against his hiding in those fashionable pants of his. "T-Tora...s-stop this...please..."

I pulled away my hand still on his ass, "why? We are just getting started." I purred if I had ears and a tail they would show just how aroused I was, ready for my prey.

~Reality?~

"Oh my god what am I doing?!" I pulled my hand out of his pants seeing the belt on the floor and the mark on his neck, and the tears in his eyes...

"Tora...I...what is wrong with you?!" He frowned throwing one of the spare pillows at me giving him enough time to grab his belt but not enough to escape I pulled out my IV just so I could reach him. He was in total shock. "What the fuck are you doing?! You're going to hurt yourself!"

"I...I thought you...loved me..." My grip tightened, I could feel my world becoming a blur with his, it was no longer a fantasy, but a dream within a nightmare called reality...

"Love? What are you talking about?" He frowned, "owe you're hurting me...Tora...what are you doing?!"

I gave a frown dripping drops that apparently cause temporary blindness up to five hours, extensive use can cause permanent damage. Just enough time for some fun~ "There this is better since I can't lock the door I managed to find these lying around in this mini bathroom we have here...I'm sorry there was no other way to keep you in here."

"Oh my god! TORA WHAT DID YOU?! I CAN'T SEE!!" Shou cried collapsing to the floor, his body shaking, "what did you do...that medicine...made you into this...monster...please you must control yourself!"

~Shou's pov~

_I could feel Tora's presence he might have been standing over me I'm not sure but I felt like I was being lifted off the ground and...this is soft...no...this is his bed...not only did I feel the smooth sweaty surface something strong was attached to my wrists, then it hit me. Tora used a restraint so I wouldn't move, well I had little movement but there was no way in hell I could go anywhere. I felt like my life was caving in on me, but I had to keep telling myself, this is just a side effect, this is just a side effect...it will wear off, soon right? Oh god was I wrong..._

A pair of fingers were shoved into my mouth and a hand pressing my head down to close my mouth no matter how hard I fought he was way too strong. Tears streaking down and immense pain shot up from my hand to my shoulder causing me to collapse. At this point, there was nothing I can do, I didn't want to hurt him and if I yelled that would be the end of my career...and my time with my closet friends...I had no choice but to ride it out...then hope it won't happen again...

My body started to shiver, I could feel a brief cold breeze from my lower half. He must of took off my pants and underwear..."itai! Itai!" I groaned...and the tape...

"Awe did I hurt my baby I'm sorry...I don't tuck so it's not too much of a problem for me~" He cooed, I could feel both pain and warmth against my skin. His piercing was dragging along as he kissed. "This will hurt too..." And it did...something just went inside me...oh god...what is going on?!?!?

"Tora!!!" I choked but it was already too late as another and another and another of whatever it was went inside me and I counted, _ich ...ni...san...yon...so that is why he had his fingers in my mouth!! Oh god...he's going to stretch me...I never had sex with a guy before...and I never want to ever again...this is too much!!_

"Yes? Keep saying my name I want to hear it!" He grinned spotting me glancing back even though I couldn't see I could hear where his voice was coming from, a perk all vocalists have. "If you weren't so stubborn I let you see~" I started to squirm but the more I did the more pain I had throughout my body.

Then I felt something soft and furry placed into my mouth and my eyes widened...it was...no...it was Hiroto's teddy bear he gifted me and now its arm is in my mouth...I nearly lost it nears gushing down I was a total mess, the tape that held up my eyelids were drenched and slipped off along with my salty tears. No matter how many times I tried to get the bear out of my mouth he still managed to keep it in. _I'm...so sorry...Hiroto...please forgive me...he's going to know...he always does...I don't know how but he just...does..._

My eyes widened a second time, nearly choking on the bear as its arm made its way farther into my mouth. I didn't want to bite it...I was too afraid that if I did... _Hiroto would know...how would I be able to explain THAT to him...after all the shit I gave him lately._ I couldn't breathe and my body felt so numb, I think I'm going to puke...oh god...hot slimy light yellow acidic fluid rushed straight out all over part of the bear and the bed. Even with my throat burning I could breathe, coughing as my lungs struggled to recover.

This didn't faze Tora...no...he was more thrilled that his dick was now inside me. My body was shaking, I hadn't got a chance to eat when I came over, that would explain why I felt so dizzy and light headed. I couldn't speak...my vocal cords are screaming hail Mary...I couldn't see...well whatever he put in my eyes started to clear out much sooner due to constant waterworks.

My body collapsed the moment he started ramming me...again and again and again until he found my prostate. I seriously felt like I was going to die right then and there. I'm a sadist and right now I feel like roadkill. "Oh, come on can't be tired already~ just a little more..." Tora's body caved over mine, _his voice wasn't the one I knew...no this was a demon that took over his body, and here I lay lifeless unable to save him._ My body head to toe was covered with bite marks and scratches like I was beaten up by a tiger...which I was...he even almost gave me a bruised eye, said my eyes where 'too pretty to damage' because he wanted me to see the 'end result.'

"Tora...what are...you..." I groaned as my vision finally cleared spotting a mirror being shoved into my face _he must of known that my vision is back_ , then right on que he came filling me up. The blast was so intense I puked a second time then finally gave in.

"A beast...and the best at that too~ hmmm that was fun." _I could barely hear him but what I did know he was no longer inside me instead he spooned me. If this is what sex is...then I don't want it..._


End file.
